Hi, it's TK. Before we get into the regular newsletter I want to let you know about something new I'm launching on April 29th:
The Self Healing Leaders community is a space for high-growth leaders at high-growth companies who want to achieve great things without losing the joy and spirit of the pursuit. Leaders like you who already know that unlocking something inside will have the biggest impact on what happens outside.
I am sending more details to people who join the launch list, and we welcome in the founding members on April 29th, 2024. If you are curious, let me know.
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Now, back to the newsletter...
Jenna (name changed to protect privacy) was talking about two different parts we found when we went inside to figure out why she was feeling so stressed about most decisions lately. It didn't matter whether they were large critical decisions that should be hard, or small but necessary decisions that should be easy. Either way, she felt like she had to slog through quicksand to get to the answer or the action.
"95% of the time, these two feelings are present, but very subtle. But, 5% of the time they are overwhelming. And I mean like migraine headache and twitchy fingers overwhelming."
When we went inside, we found a part up in her right temple. A pressure, an alarm, no, like my cell phone has every alert turned on. Ding. Remember this. Ding! Don't forget that! DING! YOU SAID THIS WAS IMPORTANT TO YOU! And, there was another part. This one was in her hand. This one felt like it was always trying to find the snooze button in the dark. And we learned that those two hated each other, and blamed the other one for all the problems.
"Cut it out! You're going to skip something important!"
"Well, you're an over thinker!"
"You're just lazy. There is a reason they say, 'you snooze you lose'!"
"So! you don't even know what is important anymore! Everything is urgent to you!"
It took several weeks for Jenna to build enough trust with each of the parts to get them to relax back, one at a time, and allow her close enough to understand what was really happening.
But, once she did, we were able to get each part individually to trust her decisions and leadership instead of over-reacting directly to the other part. Jenna wasn't going to let important things slip. She actually had a great system with her tasks and calendar. And, she wasn't going to burn out. She was already making time for her health and hobbies. The biggest change Jenna did make was a promise to start putting the personal recovery time on her calendar to show that it was just as important to her as her work.
With those new insights, the pinging alarm headache became a cheerleader that celebrated the completion of tasks, and the twitching impulse to hit the snooze button moved up onto her shoulder and felt like a loving squeeze that says, "you got this!"
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Thomas Knoll
Founder, YourSecondCall.com
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