I guide leaders facing big transitions into a space where they can face their fears and transform their teams. The Self Healing Leadership newsletter gives you the ability to see, hear, and feel what it is like to go inside and do this transformative work.
I need to prove myself
“Sometimes, I feel overwhelmed and trapped by this part of me that needs to prove myself to other people.” My client was describing why decisions that should feel simple had become paralyzing, and why writing reports or even basic slack replies needed 2 or 3 times longer than necessary to edit before hitting send. “Do you know, that growing up, I don’t think I ever heard my mom say she was proud of me even once?” It hadn’t always been so paralyzing. For a long time, the chip on the shoulder was a huge motivator. It pushed them to succeed; driving promotion after promotion. But a few recent setbacks had transformed the chip on the shoulder into a claw in their back, and now everything ran through the “I need to prove myself” filter. We went deeper. We found another part that was watching every move, scrutinizing every decision, making sure that they wouldn’t make a single mistake and ‘catching’ them when they would. But, when we slowed down and listened to that part, it didn’t want to be stuck in this role of watching for mistakes. It wanted to focus out on the horizon and help look out for obstacles. Once that gaze shifted, the part that needed to prove itself felt less scrutinized. Over time we were able to build more trust with that part until, in almost a whisper, it said, “I don’t want to need to prove. I want to help us improve.” “What was that?” “I want to help us improve.” And, from that moment all the energy going into fear and anxiety, seeking approval, and preventing mistakes, shifted to courage and curiosity, seeking feedback, and creating growth. |
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Self Healing Leadership
I guide leaders facing big transitions into a space where they can face their fears and transform their teams. The Self Healing Leadership newsletter gives you the ability to see, hear, and feel what it is like to go inside and do this transformative work.
Quick reminder that the Self Healing Leaders community is launching on April 29th, and founding members (who join before the 30th) get the badge of honor and one-time lowest pricing. Join the waitlist to receive more information about the community and access founding member rates. And/or hit reply if you have any questions. “I just don’t get why no one else will work as hard as me.” Kay sounded more confused than angry the first time she said it. But when she repeated it, she sounded more...
Hi, it's TK. Before we get into the regular newsletter I want to let you know about something new I'm launching on April 29th: The Self Healing Leaders community is a space for high-growth leaders at high-growth companies who want to achieve great things without losing the joy and spirit of the pursuit. Leaders like you who already know that unlocking something inside will have the biggest impact on what happens outside. I am sending more details to people who join the launch list, and we...
This is a story of two clients I saw back-to-back on the same day. One was desperately wanting to control how much emotion they show to others, how to dial back their level of transparency, and create more firm boundaries about who gets access to their vulnerability, when, and how much. The other was reaching for a better way to connect with their team, to reveal more of the passion and energy they were feeling, and lead with more heart to get people fired up and sharing in their excitement....