Parts Work

afraid I am missing something

Published 3 months ago • 2 min read

"I need to make a decision about whether to fire someone or lean in on investing in them. But I feel completely blocked, and not for the normal reasons, it's more like I'm afraid I'm missing something."


First of all, I really wanted to know what the "normal reasons" are. But this is about my client, not me, so I asked my nosy-curious part to step back and let my more neutrally-curious Self energy keep us present.

We focused on the part that was afraid of missing something important and went to locate it. But Marcus (not their real name) said the closer he tried to get, the harder it was to find. He was in a thick fog, but instead of a grey fog it was a multicolored fog. Since we couldn't get anywhere, we shifted our focus onto the fog itself.

"I'd like you to notice how you are feeling toward the fog."

Marcus looked a little surprised, "I actually feel like the fog is safe and ok, but it just isn't going to let me find the part that is afraid of missing something."

"Can you ask what the fog believes would happen if it did clear out?"

The fog said,

If I let you see what is worrying you, something much bigger is going to escape, and you would be completely overwhelmed. Not by this one thing, but by all the things you have been avoiding.

Rather than arguing or fighting or trying to bypass it, we listened to the concerns (remind me to tell you why this matters so much sometime). And then Marcus spent a bit more time there extending appreciation and gratitude to the fog for working so hard to protect him. Once the fog felt more appreciated for all its hard work, we let it know that we actually can handle what the one part wants to show us. And that we are going to ask it not to overwhelm us so that we can stay with it and help. Finally we made a promise and an appointment to come back and listen to more of the others in the future. With all that in place, the fog was willing to step back and let Marcus access the part that is afraid of missing something important.

This time, he could access it very easily. We asked what it believed would happen if we did miss something important, and the answers were,

You might ruin the company. Or, you might ruin someone's life.

And, if that were true, those would be really high stakes. But Marcus was able to show the part that neither of these extremes were likely or even possible in this instance. And he negotiated with part, "What if I just tell them how I'm feeling torn about the situation? What if I tell them what I think is happening and why I'm uncertain about whether they are willing or capable of stepping up? What if I ask them how they are feeling about the current arrangement and what steps they would take?"

"Well, then, we'd all be super clear about the next steps."

Marcus still needed to decide how he was actually going to approach the situation. But now he felt clear and confident about the decision.

Thank you for subscribing to Parts Work.

If these stories resonate with you, and you would like hire a guide to help you discover and work with your own unique parts, I am waiting for your call.

Until next time,

Thomas Knoll


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Parts Work

by Thomas Knoll – Founder,

Parts Work is an intimate encounter with the practice of Self Healing Leadership.​ Subscribe to hear what it is like when we go inside to do this transformative work.

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